At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
