why didn't you poke me back
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
