I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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