I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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