i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
