im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize