He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
