You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
