Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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