We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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