i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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