This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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