Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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