I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my shit smells like andre
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
