That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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