i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
