You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
