i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
