we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
