We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
