I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
