Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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