I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
