Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
