I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
