my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
