out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
