Whatcha textin bout Willis?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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