Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
