ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We're using joints as your birthday candles
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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