Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
