yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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