tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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