3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
