I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
