took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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