yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
