I just saw a hot homeless man
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
