Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
not ubering you a puppy
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
