Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
