she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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