I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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