Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
