This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
