I just saw a hot homeless man
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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