No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
pray to the hookup gods
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
