i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
