i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
