I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
