Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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