As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
