Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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