I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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