Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
