If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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