Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
