I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
