if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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