people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
