Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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