yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
