so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
