Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
