I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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