she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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