she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
