Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't turn off my feet"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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