she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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